I was kinda blur and emo in this few day...
I know everytime I was in bad mood or what.
sure got something come and kacau me one
like last nite my laptop on sendiri again in the middle of the night
and the fingerprint recognition keep producing sounds " di dum di dum"
I don't know wurt da hell is that.
but I just know that my heart couldn't get peace
I couldn't get sleep.
I couldn't sleep well.
thus I skip my two classes today. two important classes
I was having pain of my whole body . something like muscle cramp I think?
maybe this is caused by I can't sleep well in the night.
especially the shoulder and the leg part.
and hell is my neck there grow an "unknown thingy"
I don't know what is that. it's not like a pimples because
you still can see its surface is smooth
but once you touch it you can feel the swollen-ess
emo...sibeh emo...

feeling very annoying for everything. fed up .arghh once again
maybe I was too nervous for my next performance and my academic level
but no one would understand how importance it is in my heart
and I was having sibeh headache even I already let myself
rest gao gao sleep gao gao and eat gao gao
I didn't accomplish some task that I already set before.
like statistic revision. until now. I haven't finish even one chap.
like biology midterm. until now. I haven't touch da notes yet.
and next week will have two reports, one performance, one meeting, two test.
drive me crazily enough . is really enough

how I wish I got a healthy and strong body
that can make me finish all my things without tired-ness
lidat I won't complain anymore. don't pain here and pain there.
and please put the peace in my heart. I need to calm myself .
and get away from those thing that can pull me down. until I can't see myself.
until I emo gao gao haih...
frankly I don't want to.... I don't want...
gawd just let this thing keep away from me.

arrrrr... seems like mess up everything again.
O gawd...
I am really tired..really really tired...
even don't have time to emo...
maybe I should calm myself first.
before I screw my performance again.
before I drop into trap again.
arrrr...Quite feeling confused
and I feels like everything is so messy
I don't know what I am talking
I am in stress arrr...O.O
low self confidence going to drive me crazy liao!
why u ! why me !
da la da di dam da laaaaa
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
don't wanna see you anymore.
I must be strong !
like he said , wo ke yi de ! en! wo ke yi wo ke yi !
and pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeee do remember !
don't get close with those person who can mess up your life !
DO REMEMBER ! don't wanna see you anymore T.T
CALM CALM CALM CALM CALM CALM...
just ignore u! I should ignore u ! ennnnnn~
peace...

owh STRESS why is U D=

DEAR GAWD
stresses come to me again due to some problem.
some coincidence happened that makes me feels like :
owhhh no wayyy why so ngam ngam one...
two BIG stress thingy will be held on the same day
one is STATISTIC MIDTERM and another one is SINGING PERFORMANCE
hell ya I am so damn lucky yet emooooo. WHY?
my midterm will be held at 5-6pm
my singing performance will be held at 6-745pm
TwT how I am gonna prepare for my performance
yet I am still got to worry my midterm?
this is so UNFAIR !! why me ? why u ? stress?
stage-fright is a big big obstacle
I need muchhideee more time to prepare before singing in public
but wurt da fark is before performance I was having test eh !
how I am gonna prepare myself ?
in terms of psycho problem before up to the stage
how I am gonna ban leng leng?
if I am lack of time yet still need to study midterm
I have no time...totally out of time
argghhhh...
besides that I am fully stressed by my performing song : the end of the world
old songs sing in new style...that is definitely tough and hard
to impress people by giving a freshie feeling when singing the oldies
this is almost impossible to happen on me
especially the song rhythm is sooo ...don't know how to say.hmmm...
it's very tough to catch every beat since old style ma... haih...
I don't want... to disappoint myself again...
after the "off key xia sui musical gathering" performance
I promised myself not to spoil any performance again...by the way...
now even lyrics also haven't memorize yet
and the song also haven't confirm yet... what to do... haih...

just in case everyone read this post...
please bless me...
bless me I will be succeed in my midterm
and my performance as well... I don't wanna sia sui again
am I deserve applause?
I might not a good singer...I am lazy...always off key
I didn't do well preparation before performing
but I do really dedicate every single song with my true heart
to everyone who are listening



...........................................................................................
.......................... and I blank for almost 2hours
doing nothing O.O
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... WAKE UP lar dailou !!!
statistic revision !!! GO GO GO shoo shoo shoo !!!
don't stay here !
study kthxbye !

tired of being tired

huh...my mood wasn't good today
I told myself. after finished the test I should send him a message
for apologize explanation or whatever
I SHOULD have send him a message
but in the end I didn't make it.
I don't know what to say because I know even what kind of explanation I gave
he won't accept and listen to. since I knew him from secondary school until now
I really KNOW him well...but he doesn't...
he ask for jamming songs in fb but i reply him " NOT FREE"
yea I said it I mean it...
but he just keep blaming and complaining that I always ffk him
I always the one who not choi. I always the one who saying busy.
and I always the one who doesn't reply him any message...
well though I already explain thousand million times since I went kampar for studies
that I am really really busy like hell... stress like urgghh...
but he just keep complaining that I didn't care for him just once.
should I announce and publish here
tell the whole world
I DO REALLY ATTEND THE GATHERING WHENEVER U GUYS CALL ME UP
some more... most of the time I was the driver...as well as yeng...
yea I got to admit that I am kinda lazy to text him but it doesn't mean I forget him or
DOESN'T CARE HIM ANYMORE...gawd I really hate explanation. Its tiring!
and everytime outing I do ask others to jio him as well...PLEASE!gawd!

try ask yourself. have you ever send me a so-called "concerned message"?
when we have gathering
try to flash back...what topic you talk about?

complaints that how sucks your life?
your new theories in life that full of prejudice?
or the complaints of your friend who doesn't treat you well?
or the complaints of how cruel your friend treat you and the reality is it?
or the complaints of how selfishness we are?
or the complaints of the ignorance that you are being treated by us?
all those negative topics were came out from you mouth
your life is full of COMPLAINTS

whenever I tell you my condition here
hmmm okay I am not asking you to be understanding
but you don't even want to listen to me...and you TWIST IT
same goes today...
you deleted the post and not even giving people chance to explain it
I thought after working in KL
you will understand how's the gwad life we passed everyday...
I thought you know...but seemed you still don't understand.

and when I was in the pain of menstruation...
until couldn't wake up and sit on the chair
welll...you keep blaming that I didn't concern about you...
but have you stand on my side
and think of my condition? you NEVER
even you f saying that I am using period as an excuses. okay. fine
obviously I was the one who made mistake.
I was the one who pissed you off.
It's tiring to explain because our view are different

huh...I am tired
yes...as I am the one
who screwed eveything up ba...
just curse me as much as you like...
and keep complain me in front of others friend ba...
I am tired

人生是一场追寻？

最近都一直都想回家
回到家 妈妈虽然就在身旁
可是还是会很想念她 虽然她就在身旁
每次半夜想起家人总是会眼湿湿的
尽管有时在自己家的床上
还是在宿舍的床上
还是在做功课时候想起时 都会觉得感动
每次回家 桌上准备的都是我喜爱的菜
由于姐姐和我口味相异 所以以前姐姐总爱跟我闹脾气
要妈妈煮不同的菜
但我发觉现在就算满座都是我爱的菜
姐姐也不会再投诉或争吵了 都会让着我
这是在我一切心境平静下来后 才慢慢察觉到的温馨

说不上什么原因 我真的是有在努力地让自己人生更有意义
就好比抄一些佛经 偶尔吃一下素 好让自己的内心能得到平静
用正面的力量去战胜心中的烦躁
尽管有时候失败啦 但我真的有尽力在做这一点
以前的我 会把感情放很重 遇上喜欢的
我会前后挣扎 无法集中思绪 想要拥有
但现在在前进之前 都会想想
会问先做好自己了吗？准备了吗？
我相信缘份 不强求 顺其自然
那是内心最了然的感觉 最妥当的释放
那时候释放的感情才是最真实且坦释自在的
没有任何心理负担的 对 拖累我最辛苦的 就是那心理负担

只是有时候偶尔会感慨
中学时候志同道合的伴已不再
曾经承诺过的理想也随风远去
冒险勇闯的心是依然在
想要征服大自然的心 也只有你们能了解
但当发觉我们都已被社会束缚着 物质捆绑着
征服大自然 勇闯冒险的心 都被掩盖了
只是我自己会清楚了解 我是不会让那团火被浇熄
永远都让它在我心里保留着 至少我心中清楚了解的
在追寻的过程中 我会寻找到志同道合的伴的
那曾经在我心里遥远的梦想 并不是曾经 会是未来

吉他是新加入的成员 无论如何
都会与它携手一起去走我璀璨的人生

KOTA KINABALU : )

MAKE IT POSSIBLE

我进退两难啊

怎么说 这是一篇突发其想的文章
只想在最短的时间内表达我的矛盾与烦恼
好让不够时间用的我可以快点跳上床睡觉！
不吐不快~

话说今天我的好姐妹有事托我两次
结果我两次都放她飞机 我真的好进退两难
好怕伤到她的玻璃心 我好怕她误会我 但
我是无能为力的
我的好姐妹 是一个喜欢即兴的人
就因为这样 我和她非常合得来
但是有时候面对她的需要 我却无法达到

就说今天她要去tesco
时间是下午十二点到两点 她本身两点有考试
所以就想趁之前的空档去逛逛进货
我当然可以奉陪 问题是 交通
好的 我有两位朋友有车 本想说
她来找我 应该也是要向我朋友借车
但我一位朋友的车拿去给男朋友用了
另外一位朋友十二点至一点有考试！
我的死党生性会有一点敏感 我不敢拒绝
怕让她失望 所以说就搭的士去吧
她就说怕来不及回来考试
所以我只好照实跟她说 我不好意思问朋友借车
因为他有考试而且也要载其他人
但是我却觉得自己做了很狠心的事

到了晚上半夜 她信息我说她肚子饿
做死党的当然了解她是要我陪她去吃
但是这晚我是打算早早上床睡觉的 T.T
我又在挣扎了 因为后天有考试
加上大姨妈迟迟不来 肚子不舒服
我该不该陪她？？ 不陪很没义气对吧？
我的心又在那边瞅一下 看见她连吃也顾不好自己
很为她担心！但忙碌的生活与距离造成我不能陪着她
我以为她搬到外面会有教会的姐妹照顾她
结果她还是不能好好照顾自己 我猜她饿得发慌吧

她的人 我很了解
她有需要 不会直接跟你讲 但会用另外一种方式跟你讲
可是你会知道她其实就是要
有时候 好想说 她的犹豫不决 她不清不楚的表达
可能就因此耽误了时间 直到拖到最后 很夜
都不知道要不要好 就好比吃东西 ==
拖到自己忍无可忍的时候 才喊要 可是都太迟了
我真的好想跟她说：你干吗每次饿自己肚子啊~折磨自己很爽吗？
明知道自己饿了肚子会想吃好料的， 就应该早早让自己去吃啊~
你搬到酱远 半夜要找你怎么法子呢？
酱靠近mamak 打包让自己上去吃也行啊。
就不懂如何疼疼自己吗？
换是我 将方便 我早就打包一包两包让自己在宿舍慢慢享用~
你可不可以不要让我为你操心？
可以不可以

咳~抒发完毕 睡觉
*我又夜睡了 半夜起来读书是不成料

stubborn

nah. just came back from luk luk and 'each a cup' session
with myself O.O
I felt satisfied because this is the first time
I go eat without anyone but myself
and I am just like a bird without legs LOL
uncontrollable appetite was happened
I am totally out of control when eating luk luk
I ate 10 cucuk =x
after eating luk luk then I am not able to control my legs
to walk towards the each a cup shop
and I couldn't control my mouth
to speak out that I want " oreo choc" badly
well I am dei sei one
doctor aredy said I shouldn't eat choc and peanuts
because I am taking medicine to cure my forehead mia pimples
TwT
FINALLY I am out of control ==
I finished all those things with regrets
mission to get a slim shape body in my mind was gone as well
I have totally forgotten I should take care of my body shape
while luk luk was in my hand
I was like :WHATEVER eat first lar XDD
well see...I am the most dei sei person in this world

thinking should I trim my fringe or keep it long
if I cut it. will be the sorpo like that fella in da picta
SIGH
dog bite fringe

another pictas that I forgot to upload it
see ling ling mia facial expression (below)
damn noob rite? LOL
okay me myself also YEONG SUI

=X

有时候说真的我自己也不会明白和理解

既然爱人如此辛苦 为何不选择被爱？

在面对不是爱情的爱情问题 说真的

我比谁都来得理智

我从来没对我不喜欢的人产生过任何错觉

我喜欢就是喜欢 不喜欢你 再怎么靠近我逼我

我还是不会动心 就算有一天

你说我会后悔 因为失去了一个对自己如此好的男生

但在我观点 我不喜欢你 你是绝种好男人 也只是徒劳

或许我还年轻 但我依然会坚信

在第一眼 第一次谈话 第一次接触

其实就决定了 你是不是我要的人

很多人说感情可以培养

但如果在第一次接触后 你连想和他培养感情的兴趣都没有

你要怎么办？

再来相处后 你发觉他对你真的真的很好

因感动而跟他在一起

那你是因为他对你好 而和他在一起

还是因为你爱他 所以和他在一起？

是的 在别人眼里或许是有点理智了

但我能理智得了 就是我根本不喜欢他

和他只想止于在普通朋友的阶段

虽然我会感到孤单 但我的孤单

是来自于找不到自己喜欢而又喜欢我的人

而不是因为没有人对自己好 而孤单

我知道 要找到喜欢自己自己又喜欢的人

真的不容易 而我也经常为此而感到pek cek

但我也深感这些感情才算珍贵 因为得来不易

并不是巴刹讨价还价 你有这个那个 你对我够好

好吧 咱们交换条件 我跟你在一起吧

而且而且 喜欢一个人 并不是只单单把她挂在嘴边三两事

对于自己 我承认 我是爱情大逃兵

喜欢自己自己不喜欢的 逃

自己喜欢又喜欢自己的 也是逃

自己喜欢而又不喜欢自己的 逃得更远

我没有逃开的 只发生过两次

而最上那一次 照样到一半我还是逃了

真的不想再伤害自己又伤害别人了

只想好好把自己整顿好

找一个舒适的方式 让自己开心的过活

我必须承认 多一人陪伴身旁必是佳事

但如果对方是错的人 还有什么意思？

真的足够了 我好想把自己先搞好

真的有这样的需要

就算偶尔我伸一下孤单 真的就只是伸而已

没什么的 =))))

玲与大鸟的故事
身边朋友爱情的故事
真的让我看开了许多
爱情至所以如此吸引 是因为我们都不知道下一秒会是怎样
而往往内心的不安 也是来自于同一个问题
我们对未来什么都不知道
所以爱情和不安是否能画上等号
在我的世界里头 是能的
从以前到现在 开始一段感情
都是抱着不安的 可以说 至今
我都没能找到能让我安心跟他交往的男生
这份安全感始终没人给到我

我去看算命的 是因为我总觉得自己是不会结婚
或许你会觉得很荒谬 认为我胡说八道
但是看见太多太多朋友 为爱情伤心烦恼
看见他们这样我都很心疼 很想帮他们
再来看见男生不负责任道出分手原因的口气
还有身旁伴侣换个不停的他们
对不起 我的偏见 女生都在受害后脆弱的让人怜惜
我相信瞬间栟发的爱情 却质疑爱情过后的的温度
是否还能靠感情去持温

我不是不会爱 而是不敢爱
爱情这一生我尝过了一次
也知道它的风险比笨猪跳还要高
只是还要不要面对第二次。。。
我想我比较愿意尝试笨猪跳多一点
我只想说
若我遇到真的能让我忘记一切有关爱情的风险
抛下一切担忧 和你在一起的话
恭喜你 我是真心喜欢你的
比爱笨猪跳还要爱你

I can do it

I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT
I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT :D

FTW golden hair fat moi

owwwhhhhhhhargggggggghhhhh
FTW!!!
seems like I am getting fatter and fatter than before
I got shuang xia ba TwT
sad to the MAX
OLAMAK!!! super beh syok myself now
but I don't know what to do...
maybe just wait lor...
女人难做 做女人真难
must care this and that
later rambut lar later skin lar later body shape lar
bla bla bla
endless mission =.=
somemore is mission impossible XDD
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
gotta upload some pictas to remind myself first LOL
em!!!

SCARY!!!

and my rambut become golden colour again =//=
and it looks dry again =.=
and don't know why my rambut don't know panjang one
it even grows shorter than before =.= F
and my messy fringe FUUUU
I still thinking should I go for a haircut or not
this is because if I go for hair cut
my lousy hair will become even shorter again
my short fringe will make me rounder !!!
IF I don't go for a haircut I will look like a beggar =.=
nah SEE! how tough to be a woman
next is pimples == okay I already find a way to deal with it.
ROUND face ==||| I really have no idea how to reduce my weight
though it still remain at 4*
but when take photos people will thought I got 5*
I want lookz thinner == I don't want cover the fat using dressing
I want slim abitbit nia.
THATS ALL!
HELP ME PLS!


I CAN DO IT

: |

I understand : |

random

yea this is my birthday present
a clip on digital tuner LOL
it was alittle bit late for uploading the picta here
but still wanna thanks to my beloved friends
the cards, guitar polish and capo as well
thankq so muchie
with all of loves =)

and what else?
I bought myself a cup?lol
fill with grapes inside.
HAHAHAX
weirdo mee >.<>

don't be cheated LOL
the picta were edited
though I didn't have any photoshop software
but I just try to adjust the brightness and the contrast
to make myself fairer and hmmm...
reduce some pimples as well LOL
but I like the t-shirt that I bought
and the bag as well LOL
obviously I am a
shopping maniac. ugly but ss
mia aquarius weirdo
nothing good =[
fat and round. SIGH!
without edited.
will be like this
|
|
^


BIG SIGH towards myself again!
still have long way to go
to make myself become prettttyyy~

nah. this is a leng lui that I wish to be hee
though she don't know me
but I felt she is pretty.
I like her hairstyle.like her qi zhi
I never seen her real person before
but I know she is aquarius as well
(hmmm...big stalker =p)
wanna be as pretty as her
is that possible? o.O
I like her eyebrows =]
and she is very good in dressing
I like her fashion sense and dressing style
she is sweet.mature.and you xing ge.
don't you think that?
seems like promoting her HAHA
btw she is my friend mia gf lar~
and she is hongkong lang =]
yeaa...how I wish I can be as pretty as her
I am not greedy lar weyyyy
just hope that can be more qi zhi
even blur also must blur dao got feel baru nice weh
even chubby also must chubby dao you qi zhi
HOPE SO =]

tian hei hei

我的小时候
吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆
总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后
老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好象这样唱的
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
离开小时候
有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌
新鲜的念头
任性和冲动
无法控制的时候
我忘记
还有这样的歌
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭
让人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独
天黑的时候
我又想起那首歌
突然期待
下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进….
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑...

a song always remind me
to walk out from the past
wipe up my tears...
I am not strong enough =(
grandma and grandpa
I miss u both...
really miss u both...
please guide me
just too much of complexity in this world
and I don't know how to handle it even face it
I just hope that ...
I could escape from those confusion
I don't want it seriously.
just wanna focus on my dream. chase it.
without turning back
or any unnecessary obstacles block my way
giving me alot of confusion thingy
I don't want it. fark that things.
I hate it but I couldn't escape from that.
smile =) be strong catherine !!
fark off that thought!

决心

这天晚上
更增加了我的决心
当初的动摇 在今晚过后
完全消失 决心奔向我的理想
不再为琐事而拖累 尽情享受我的人生
为家人为自己 我的决心 回来了！
再一次站起来了！
感恩今晚的小温馨 力量已逐渐回来
至少清楚了 自己想要的东西
至少了解了 现在不必要的东西
虽然还是会很诱惑 但是我的决心就在此！
不会动摇不会动摇~~
不要就是不要！
steady and calm always =)))

escape

obviously I screwed everything up
better ran out from here.
aiks... time flies everything changed.
totally UPSET.
thats what I wanna say today.
my words for today.

STUPID

I am a stupid. all the time
I act like a stupid
think like a stupid
speak like a stupid
how I wish I could stop being a stupid
how I wish I could stop acting like a stupid
shameful to myself
and I said . no second time
thinking like a stupid
brainless thingy
I should stop the tears rolling in my eyes
I should stop having those stupid thought in my mind
I should chase my dreams
without having any stupid thinking
conclusion is I am really a stupid
cureless
just let the wind blows away everything
let it gone with the wind
let it be let it be
learn to stand from where we fall down
and don't do the same mistake again
when it isn't too late yet
SOBER

Pictures tell the story

thats bell and mee.
no one else. this post is just for us. only 2 of us.
when we were 19...when we were young...we were in KL.
hope you like it =))))

suddenly sooo emo...
IDKW...wth
just leave me alone
duuuuuuuuuu it!
I am begging please.
make my dreams come true.
please. just once.
fullfill my dreams please.

I would sacrifice
the feeling of falling in love
to get what I want
my dreams
PLEASE

我想要有存在感

short update

booooooo !! guess who I met today in guitar class...
hmmm...yea my ex lol
well...no more feeling on him liao...
55 congrazt me wuahahhaha
maybe someone aredy replace him in my heart =/
btw...I still feels like wanna ask people around:
am I looking good today? lol
blaaaaa still so care about the image in front of him...
how to say...just wanna turn to be better, maybe prettier
when stand in front of him for the next time...
but sure is not current...bcoz still feeling myself is sucks lol
though people said I am lookin good but I rasa ditipu lol isn't it?
should have more confidence when meet him next time...
but I did very well this time...at least besides the feeling awkward...
no more sadness or emoness come to me...HAHA gratz
when I met him , the very first thing I did was find pohpoh hahah!
well still thinking should I attend the next guitar weekly classes or not
not becoz of him for sure...is becoz of my lovely bell, pohpoh and cayton
just wanna meet them more since I am so busy on my own things
can't even spend time playing guitar with them.
so I can only play with them in weekly classes. awhhh sad!
missing them

cayton said: next time if I meet my ex again
just said my head is very ichy my head is very ichy
at the same time show him oOo

don't get what I mean? next time show you all XDD
*clapping* for cayton ! such a funky guy XD
this joke brighten my day =)))

如果我变漂亮了，你会喜欢我吗？
quoted from my fren =)