all about unpredictable

When something doesn't go with the flow you expected
what you gonna do? how you gonna face it?
when something doesn't happen in the way you wish to?
would you give up ? or just keep going until you can't stand for that?
reaching your limitation and found that actually you are helpless
will you turn back and start all over again?

something happens not in the way I want it
everything also the same. it is not under my expectation. out of it
People confuse with their future, their target...
so we keep repeating the current state
we thought we are safe if we maintain in current state instead of changing
we afraid of changing
so we just doing the same thing we thought it suppose to do
even we got the chance to change ourselves.

would you dare to give up what you have possess now
and start the another path which you never choose before?
I am confuse and lost for this moment
I can't even manage to know who I wan to be what I want
and what kind of life suppose to I have
I am helpless and useless in front of fate
just feeling everything is out of my control
out of my expectation
and I can't even able to convince myself
that every decision I made was right

something lost , and I couldn't find it back
people laugh smile
that is a reflection of mine
showing emptiness inside of myself
helplessness for everything

is it all about myself?
I wonder and I got no answer

and seriously I hate putting hope on others
and I do hate the feeling of falling in love
just in case you fall for a person
or a person who falling for you
you gotta change and turn yourself
to the another one that is more favorable to your loves one
and you gotta put expectation on that people
to fulfill your whatever needs
and you gotta fulfill you loves one's needs for repaying as well

and the sad case was
I am not really like to be controlled by people
I mean my own feelings
it is supposedly belongs to myself
but my feeling was like uncontrollable follow with the person I care for
I have already fed up with this kind of feeling
it is distracting you from studies, family and even friends
undeniable that is sweet if that person fulfill your expectation
giving the concerned and attention you want
but when you lose it, you gotta repay it with bitterness
that's the experience I have gone through thousand million times
and I almost bored with the taste of disappointment.
and that was the most suffering thingy throughout my life

I leave HIM because of the same reason
since so many things happen is not in the way I want
I knew no matter how much I pray I wont get the answer
no matter how hard I try
future is always unpredictable
so I decided
to stand here quietly, doing the things that I thought it suppose to do with
and I don't expect anything. yea trying my best
to not request anything again .
just standing here silently...