out of control

seriously...

I am so f*cking hate my situation right now

having 3 test on next week yet I am still havent finish studying

I am just hanging around...fb-ing...chit chating...doing nonsense rubbish

exclude studying...

I am trying so hard to avoid...avoid from studying

I am wasting my time gao gao I know

I am gonna lost many marks I know

but I am just feels like hopeless

even trying so hard to convince myself

that I still have enough time to get all my study mood back

to chase an A perhaps

but I am really not in condition

to do anything

not emoness...not relationship or what else affecting me

but the studies...really driving me crazily

in this middle of the night...

until I have to pay my health...just for those stupid stress

I ruined my coursework marks

I am in very blur condition right now seriously...

totally lost all my patience

I couldn't focus ...

someone please just drag me out of this circumstances

all I want is just focusing...neither a break nor anything else

just get myself back onto the track.thatzit

I wish someone could slap me gao gao

wake me up from blurness

I just can't stand myself with this anymore

and frankly

all I want...in this sem ...

just to improve my result

and this will be perfect semester I guess :)

just full fill my wish one more time

I need to have some proof to myself

to gain back the confidence that I lost for so long

I am just an ordinary student without outstanding IQ

but all I need is some repay behind the effort I have put

I just don't want any disappointment and pull myself down once again

lower and lower

until I lost all my passion on studies

I am not blaming anyone else... but myself

but sometimes IDK what happened to myself as well

I couldn't find out the reason and I am not did it in on purpose

I am not mean to do it...

I am really wish to improve myself as well as my result

but I have no idea...

I am doing all this kind of bullpoo that I don't like to

not even wish to...

just wish me good luck and pass another 2 years safely

after that I will choose my own path without any unwillingness

like now