I was kinda blur and emo in this few day...
I know everytime I was in bad mood or what.
sure got something come and kacau me one
like last nite my laptop on sendiri again in the middle of the night
and the fingerprint recognition keep producing sounds " di dum di dum"
I don't know wurt da hell is that.
but I just know that my heart couldn't get peace
I couldn't get sleep.
I couldn't sleep well.
thus I skip my two classes today. two important classes
I was having pain of my whole body . something like muscle cramp I think?
maybe this is caused by I can't sleep well in the night.
especially the shoulder and the leg part.
and hell is my neck there grow an "unknown thingy"
I don't know what is that. it's not like a pimples because
you still can see its surface is smooth
but once you touch it you can feel the swollen-ess
emo...sibeh emo...

feeling very annoying for everything. fed up .arghh once again
maybe I was too nervous for my next performance and my academic level
but no one would understand how importance it is in my heart
and I was having sibeh headache even I already let myself
rest gao gao sleep gao gao and eat gao gao
I didn't accomplish some task that I already set before.
like statistic revision. until now. I haven't finish even one chap.
like biology midterm. until now. I haven't touch da notes yet.
and next week will have two reports, one performance, one meeting, two test.
drive me crazily enough . is really enough

how I wish I got a healthy and strong body
that can make me finish all my things without tired-ness
lidat I won't complain anymore. don't pain here and pain there.
and please put the peace in my heart. I need to calm myself .
and get away from those thing that can pull me down. until I can't see myself.
until I emo gao gao haih...
frankly I don't want to.... I don't want...
gawd just let this thing keep away from me.

arrrrr... seems like mess up everything again.
O gawd...
I am really tired..really really tired...
even don't have time to emo...
maybe I should calm myself first.
before I screw my performance again.
before I drop into trap again.
arrrr...Quite feeling confused
and I feels like everything is so messy
I don't know what I am talking
I am in stress arrr...O.O
low self confidence going to drive me crazy liao!
why u ! why me !
da la da di dam da laaaaa
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
don't wanna see you anymore.
I must be strong !
like he said , wo ke yi de ! en! wo ke yi wo ke yi !
and pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeee do remember !
don't get close with those person who can mess up your life !
DO REMEMBER ! don't wanna see you anymore T.T
CALM CALM CALM CALM CALM CALM...
just ignore u! I should ignore u ! ennnnnn~
peace...

owh STRESS why is U D=

DEAR GAWD
stresses come to me again due to some problem.
some coincidence happened that makes me feels like :
owhhh no wayyy why so ngam ngam one...
two BIG stress thingy will be held on the same day
one is STATISTIC MIDTERM and another one is SINGING PERFORMANCE
hell ya I am so damn lucky yet emooooo. WHY?
my midterm will be held at 5-6pm
my singing performance will be held at 6-745pm
TwT how I am gonna prepare for my performance
yet I am still got to worry my midterm?
this is so UNFAIR !! why me ? why u ? stress?
stage-fright is a big big obstacle
I need muchhideee more time to prepare before singing in public
but wurt da fark is before performance I was having test eh !
how I am gonna prepare myself ?
in terms of psycho problem before up to the stage
how I am gonna ban leng leng?
if I am lack of time yet still need to study midterm
I have no time...totally out of time
argghhhh...
besides that I am fully stressed by my performing song : the end of the world
old songs sing in new style...that is definitely tough and hard
to impress people by giving a freshie feeling when singing the oldies
this is almost impossible to happen on me
especially the song rhythm is sooo ...don't know how to say.hmmm...
it's very tough to catch every beat since old style ma... haih...
I don't want... to disappoint myself again...
after the "off key xia sui musical gathering" performance
I promised myself not to spoil any performance again...by the way...
now even lyrics also haven't memorize yet
and the song also haven't confirm yet... what to do... haih...

just in case everyone read this post...
please bless me...
bless me I will be succeed in my midterm
and my performance as well... I don't wanna sia sui again
am I deserve applause?
I might not a good singer...I am lazy...always off key
I didn't do well preparation before performing
but I do really dedicate every single song with my true heart
to everyone who are listening



...........................................................................................
.......................... and I blank for almost 2hours
doing nothing O.O
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... WAKE UP lar dailou !!!
statistic revision !!! GO GO GO shoo shoo shoo !!!
don't stay here !
study kthxbye !

tired of being tired

huh...my mood wasn't good today
I told myself. after finished the test I should send him a message
for apologize explanation or whatever
I SHOULD have send him a message
but in the end I didn't make it.
I don't know what to say because I know even what kind of explanation I gave
he won't accept and listen to. since I knew him from secondary school until now
I really KNOW him well...but he doesn't...
he ask for jamming songs in fb but i reply him " NOT FREE"
yea I said it I mean it...
but he just keep blaming and complaining that I always ffk him
I always the one who not choi. I always the one who saying busy.
and I always the one who doesn't reply him any message...
well though I already explain thousand million times since I went kampar for studies
that I am really really busy like hell... stress like urgghh...
but he just keep complaining that I didn't care for him just once.
should I announce and publish here
tell the whole world
I DO REALLY ATTEND THE GATHERING WHENEVER U GUYS CALL ME UP
some more... most of the time I was the driver...as well as yeng...
yea I got to admit that I am kinda lazy to text him but it doesn't mean I forget him or
DOESN'T CARE HIM ANYMORE...gawd I really hate explanation. Its tiring!
and everytime outing I do ask others to jio him as well...PLEASE!gawd!

try ask yourself. have you ever send me a so-called "concerned message"?
when we have gathering
try to flash back...what topic you talk about?

complaints that how sucks your life?
your new theories in life that full of prejudice?
or the complaints of your friend who doesn't treat you well?
or the complaints of how cruel your friend treat you and the reality is it?
or the complaints of how selfishness we are?
or the complaints of the ignorance that you are being treated by us?
all those negative topics were came out from you mouth
your life is full of COMPLAINTS

whenever I tell you my condition here
hmmm okay I am not asking you to be understanding
but you don't even want to listen to me...and you TWIST IT
same goes today...
you deleted the post and not even giving people chance to explain it
I thought after working in KL
you will understand how's the gwad life we passed everyday...
I thought you know...but seemed you still don't understand.

and when I was in the pain of menstruation...
until couldn't wake up and sit on the chair
welll...you keep blaming that I didn't concern about you...
but have you stand on my side
and think of my condition? you NEVER
even you f saying that I am using period as an excuses. okay. fine
obviously I was the one who made mistake.
I was the one who pissed you off.
It's tiring to explain because our view are different

huh...I am tired
yes...as I am the one
who screwed eveything up ba...
just curse me as much as you like...
and keep complain me in front of others friend ba...
I am tired

人生是一场追寻？

最近都一直都想回家
回到家 妈妈虽然就在身旁
可是还是会很想念她 虽然她就在身旁
每次半夜想起家人总是会眼湿湿的
尽管有时在自己家的床上
还是在宿舍的床上
还是在做功课时候想起时 都会觉得感动
每次回家 桌上准备的都是我喜爱的菜
由于姐姐和我口味相异 所以以前姐姐总爱跟我闹脾气
要妈妈煮不同的菜
但我发觉现在就算满座都是我爱的菜
姐姐也不会再投诉或争吵了 都会让着我
这是在我一切心境平静下来后 才慢慢察觉到的温馨

说不上什么原因 我真的是有在努力地让自己人生更有意义
就好比抄一些佛经 偶尔吃一下素 好让自己的内心能得到平静
用正面的力量去战胜心中的烦躁
尽管有时候失败啦 但我真的有尽力在做这一点
以前的我 会把感情放很重 遇上喜欢的
我会前后挣扎 无法集中思绪 想要拥有
但现在在前进之前 都会想想
会问先做好自己了吗？准备了吗？
我相信缘份 不强求 顺其自然
那是内心最了然的感觉 最妥当的释放
那时候释放的感情才是最真实且坦释自在的
没有任何心理负担的 对 拖累我最辛苦的 就是那心理负担

只是有时候偶尔会感慨
中学时候志同道合的伴已不再
曾经承诺过的理想也随风远去
冒险勇闯的心是依然在
想要征服大自然的心 也只有你们能了解
但当发觉我们都已被社会束缚着 物质捆绑着
征服大自然 勇闯冒险的心 都被掩盖了
只是我自己会清楚了解 我是不会让那团火被浇熄
永远都让它在我心里保留着 至少我心中清楚了解的
在追寻的过程中 我会寻找到志同道合的伴的
那曾经在我心里遥远的梦想 并不是曾经 会是未来

吉他是新加入的成员 无论如何
都会与它携手一起去走我璀璨的人生

KOTA KINABALU : )

MAKE IT POSSIBLE

我进退两难啊

怎么说 这是一篇突发其想的文章
只想在最短的时间内表达我的矛盾与烦恼
好让不够时间用的我可以快点跳上床睡觉！
不吐不快~

话说今天我的好姐妹有事托我两次
结果我两次都放她飞机 我真的好进退两难
好怕伤到她的玻璃心 我好怕她误会我 但
我是无能为力的
我的好姐妹 是一个喜欢即兴的人
就因为这样 我和她非常合得来
但是有时候面对她的需要 我却无法达到

就说今天她要去tesco
时间是下午十二点到两点 她本身两点有考试
所以就想趁之前的空档去逛逛进货
我当然可以奉陪 问题是 交通
好的 我有两位朋友有车 本想说
她来找我 应该也是要向我朋友借车
但我一位朋友的车拿去给男朋友用了
另外一位朋友十二点至一点有考试！
我的死党生性会有一点敏感 我不敢拒绝
怕让她失望 所以说就搭的士去吧
她就说怕来不及回来考试
所以我只好照实跟她说 我不好意思问朋友借车
因为他有考试而且也要载其他人
但是我却觉得自己做了很狠心的事

到了晚上半夜 她信息我说她肚子饿
做死党的当然了解她是要我陪她去吃
但是这晚我是打算早早上床睡觉的 T.T
我又在挣扎了 因为后天有考试
加上大姨妈迟迟不来 肚子不舒服
我该不该陪她？？ 不陪很没义气对吧？
我的心又在那边瞅一下 看见她连吃也顾不好自己
很为她担心！但忙碌的生活与距离造成我不能陪着她
我以为她搬到外面会有教会的姐妹照顾她
结果她还是不能好好照顾自己 我猜她饿得发慌吧

她的人 我很了解
她有需要 不会直接跟你讲 但会用另外一种方式跟你讲
可是你会知道她其实就是要
有时候 好想说 她的犹豫不决 她不清不楚的表达
可能就因此耽误了时间 直到拖到最后 很夜
都不知道要不要好 就好比吃东西 ==
拖到自己忍无可忍的时候 才喊要 可是都太迟了
我真的好想跟她说：你干吗每次饿自己肚子啊~折磨自己很爽吗？
明知道自己饿了肚子会想吃好料的， 就应该早早让自己去吃啊~
你搬到酱远 半夜要找你怎么法子呢？
酱靠近mamak 打包让自己上去吃也行啊。
就不懂如何疼疼自己吗？
换是我 将方便 我早就打包一包两包让自己在宿舍慢慢享用~
你可不可以不要让我为你操心？
可以不可以

咳~抒发完毕 睡觉
*我又夜睡了 半夜起来读书是不成料

stubborn

nah. just came back from luk luk and 'each a cup' session
with myself O.O
I felt satisfied because this is the first time
I go eat without anyone but myself
and I am just like a bird without legs LOL
uncontrollable appetite was happened
I am totally out of control when eating luk luk
I ate 10 cucuk =x
after eating luk luk then I am not able to control my legs
to walk towards the each a cup shop
and I couldn't control my mouth
to speak out that I want " oreo choc" badly
well I am dei sei one
doctor aredy said I shouldn't eat choc and peanuts
because I am taking medicine to cure my forehead mia pimples
TwT
FINALLY I am out of control ==
I finished all those things with regrets
mission to get a slim shape body in my mind was gone as well
I have totally forgotten I should take care of my body shape
while luk luk was in my hand
I was like :WHATEVER eat first lar XDD
well see...I am the most dei sei person in this world

thinking should I trim my fringe or keep it long
if I cut it. will be the sorpo like that fella in da picta
SIGH
dog bite fringe

another pictas that I forgot to upload it
see ling ling mia facial expression (below)
damn noob rite? LOL
okay me myself also YEONG SUI